The Five Stages of Night-Shifting

Night 1 – Denial
I’ll be fine with a couple of nights in a row. After all, I’ve handled crazier shifts and I’m a professional after all. Plus, the pre-shift fajita will keep me going well into the night! It’ll be alright! :)

Night 2 – Anger
Why the f**k did I ever sign up for this s**t?!? The next ambulatory jackass who rings the call bell for a glass of water will have my steal toed feet kick their ass!

Dr. Bigshot, you’re pissed off because the violent drunk didn’t give a urine sample? Up yours!

Dr. Condescending, I know what haemoglobin electrophoresis is!!! I only did my first degree in biology!

Dr. Turtle, hurry your ass up! You don’t need to know the life story of everyone who walks in. Just write an order for dilaudid and d/c them!

Night 3 – Bargaining
Oh good Lord please please please let the rest of these shifts go by quickly and uneventfully and I promise, I PROMISE, I’ll stop wishing a pox on the houses of completely healthy attention seekers. I’ll also stop persuading people to sign out AMA.

Night 4 – Depression
Nothing matters anymore. Urine sample not collected? Who cares? Lab telling me draw another group & screen for a non-surgical patient? Whatever. Death seems like a preferable alternative to this perpetual nightmare.

Night 5 – Acceptance
I will never work normal hours. This is my fate. Even with a few days off, I’ll be back. At least I can grab a fajita on the way home... or maybe some Thai food... or chocolate cake... or carrot cake...