Call me Nurse Muskels

In yet another night, my shoulders were aching from the crushing weight of self-loathing for having picked up an extra shift. I was assigned to the resus room but since my partner and I didn’t have any patients, we were helping out in the rest of the department. Just as I was frantically ripping off my sweat soaked gown from an isolation room, another patient looking worried told me that he saw the guy in the room next to him downing a large bottle of pills. “FML” I thought to myself as I walked away from the piping hot cup of green tea with just the right amount of honey in it and walked over to the room. Sure enough, the guy had downed at least three-quarters of a bottle of gravol. I asked him why he took all that gravol, he said that he was nauseated! “F F F FML” I thought once again as I called the doctor and charge nurse to have him moved into a monitored bed (ie: a resus bed because that’s all that was left). I had finished hooking him up to the cardiac monitor and was drawing up some valium for the seizures I knew he’d have (because such is my luck) when he got all twitchy and said that he had to pee. I gave him a urinal but he said that he also had to do a number 2 and climbed mighty fast out of the stretcher. I wasn’t about to fight with a 270 lb, 6”7’ man so I put on my sweetest voice and told him that me and another nurse would walk with him because his balance seemed to be getting worse. I could feel my heart sinking as I said that because I could feel that this wasn’t going to end well. And it didn’t. Just as he crossed the doorway from the resus room to the hall, he had a massive tonic-clonic seizure. I got to be the unlucky nurse close enough to catch him while avoiding being hit by his behemoth spastic arms. The doc came running and was all frantic when she asked me if he hit his head. I said no because I caught him just in time. “Are you kidding me? You CAUGHT him? He didn’t fall on you? Are you hurt?” Now I’m not exactly petit but I don’t look like I can catch a seizing man that size either. Patients came out of their rooms to see what the commotion was all about and my feat of superhuman strength was verified by them. Eventually six of us managed to lift him into a stretcher and start treating him for anticholinergic poisoning.

Moral of the story:
When nauseated, start by taking one PILL of gravol, not one BOTTLE.
Strength training has benefits beyond being a tool to be really really ridiculously good looking!