Monday, January 11, 2010

Top 10 Mortifying Ways to Die

A few days ago, I was wrapped up in my blankets trying to ward off the -27C wind chills. I wanted to socialize but the prospect of freezing my ass off (in a very literal way) prevented me from leaving the confines of my down blanketed couch. Compromising between complete anti-social behaviour and face-to-face interaction, I started to catch up with another fellow nurse on MSN. When two nurses who are sleep deprived and lean towards the odd side of normal, we come up with a list of top ten ways to die. The hilarity was far too much to keep to myself, so without any further ado, here is our list of the top 10 mortifying ways to die.

10. Having a vasovagal episode while taking a huge dump after being constipated for a week.

9. Getting hit by a car while streaking on the highway.

8. Electrocuting oneself with a vibrator.

7. Accidentally asphyxiating/hanging oneself while trying to achieve sexual gratification.

6. Hitting your head on the ceiling IV fluid hanger in the middle of a code.

5. Choking on the finish tape at the end of a marathon.

4. Getting hit by the Oscar Meyer car – in front of the nutritionist’s office.

3. Re-enacting a stunt from “Jackass”.

2. Being eaten by a bulimic wolf and then being barfed back out.

1. Falling headfirst into a bedpan full of C.diff and aspirating on it.


Got any other embarrassing ways to die?

15 comments:

Albinoblackbear said...

10. Elvis*
7. Michael Hutchence (INXS)

I don't think I know of any other famous people that have died as per your list...

Car accident due to getting a BJ while driving? (We're talking mortifying here right?)

#1 definitely takes the cake.

*That's what happens when you are a codeine addict...

Grumpy, M.D. said...

I saw a guy at the hospital who eventually died of complications that began when he tried to disimpact himself with a toothbrush.

Maybe #8 is why most vibrators are battery operated, instead of using a power cord. Safety cums first!

midwest woman said...

Harry Reid choking to death on the foot he just stuck in his mouth? PS it's a Fuiji SR 2000 with some basic 35 mm functions in it. Around 400 bucks. Go to Confessions of A Pioneer Woman...awesome blog with some great simple to understand tutorials on Fstops, shutter speed and apertures.

shrtstormtrooper said...

Yes Grumpy...yes it does!

Any sort of dying is made all the more embarrassing when underneath your sweatpants, you're wearing full bondage gear. Definitely something that will be commented upon either during or after your passing.

Doctor D said...

"Safety cums first!" Dr. Grumpy is a fricking genius!

I wish I could wash out my brain after the mental image (and smell) of #1.

Dragonfly said...

Similar to Dr Grumpy's - bowel perf after self inflicted rectal foreign body....

therapydoc said...

I really think a trip to the Caribbean would be good for you.

Memune said...

Strangulation/C2 fx per vacuuming the stairs while naked and drunk (pt got entangled in cord somehow, fell downstairs). BAH was .32.

Sepsis from infx secondary to getting a sex toy stuck on his scrotum (I believe the item is known as a "ball stretcher"). ME couldn't tell whether the infx was caused by loss of circulation to the scrotum, or trauma inflicted by the pt when trying to remove the device with a hacksaw.

#7 - after my first case, I so wanted to do a PSA about "not only is this really dangerous, but you'll look really stupid when they find you."

Anonymous said...

Oh, I'm thinking there will probably be a Darwin award or two for some of these items, maha.

Great list! My personal favorite: guy who had stroke while out with girlfriend.

He lived, but I thought his wife would kill him.

Halie said...

What a funny list! Great post!!!! Keep warm, -27 is no joke!

Mrs. Ott said...

haha, the worst part is that all of these have very well happened. lol. the jackass thing made me think of the toy car of the rectum one. wouldn't want that mentioned in my epitaph

StorytellERdoc said...

OMG...This list was fricking hysterical! Thanks for making me crack up here this morning (I think I worried my wife and kids!). I hope you get more -27 degree weather so we get more of these lists!

Anonymous said...

Ok. "Electrocuting oneself with a vibrator." That takes the cake for me. Yes, I'm a guy.

Anonymous said...

My first thought when I saw the vibrator one was "Is that even possible?" before cracking up in laughter at the entire list. Thanks :D

David Head said...

Loved #1