Saturday, December 12, 2009

One of Those Days

17 year old female, c/c – “got my cherry popped at my doctor’s office with a q-tip and some metal. Can you fix it?
Have a seat.

37 year old man, c/c – “Some ho did something to my junk she didn’t get paid to do”
Have a seat.

17 year old male, c/c – “I’m really high, I got the munchies and I heard the nurses here are really hot”
Have a seat.

26 year old female, c/c – “I think I was pregnant a year ago. Can you tell me if I actually was?”
Have a seat.

34 year old male, c/c – “My fern tried to strangle me when I slept and now I’m going to kill my brother all of you and the fucking fern”

44 year old male from home via EMS – Allergies x1 year.
The current wait time is 9 hours – give or take. Have a seat.

Unkempt male of undetermined age – “Where my Percocet bitches!!?!”

29 year old male, c/c – “I haven’t had a shit in 3 days and I want…”
Patient was interrupted by his own very loud and putrid flatulence.
“Never mind, I feel better now”.
What the hell??

19 year old male – “Do you guys prescribe medical marijuana?”
“Uh… well… I have cancer”.
“You should be ashamed of yourself”.

I helped to save many lives, and left a lasting impression on many more.


S3XinthePantry said...

9 hour wait!

I hope your hospital has excellent security...if I worked in your department, I'd bring them food every day!!

Dawn said...

Giggle!!!! Too Funny!!!

AtYourCervix said...

Good grief. Well, at least you have security on the unit, right?

Old MD Girl said...

All in one day??? That's pretty amazing. You do get some characters in there.

little d, S.N. said...

woah. Your hospital sounds like it would be a hoot to do an observation day...and then i'd probably be banging my head on a wall.

Glee said...

If only all your pts were like the bunged up 29yo M. Instant cure! LOLs as always, Maha:D

StorytellERdoc said...

This was one of the funniest posts I think I have ever read. "Have a seat." "Security." LOL I wouldn't be surprised if every one of those scenarios really happened, right! Without the swearing, of course!

Grumpy, M.D. said...

That's just a hell of a day. Too bad you don't have something like a trapdoor in front of the triage desk.

Chris said...

I want to come and sit in the waiting room of your ER with a bag of popcorn and just watch for the sheer entertainment value. Wow.

Anonymous said...

Ain't triage wonderful?

Anonymous said...

Every time I read "security", I kept hearing the "Bon Qui Qui" from the Mad TV sketch..

I feel bad for the fern, though.

Doctor D said...

The 17 year old male has a long way to go to learn how to pick up hot nurses.

Nurse K said...

I always like the complaints that resemble something like, "I smoked ____ or took ____ pill at a party and feel funny."

Wow, really? Congrats, you didn't get bunk drugs.

Nurse Practitioners Save Lives said...

That's too funny! I usually get some good ones at the office too. It is normally the kids with excuses as to why they can't go to school.