This Really Happened

On yet another night shift, I was sitting quietly in the nursing station at around 0230-ish reading a patient’s Vogue (I had permission and she was sleeping) when suddenly I hear “OH MY GOD! WHAT THE FUCK!?? WHAT THE FUCK??! GET OUT! GET THE FUCK OUT!” All of us ran to the end of the hallway where we see our previously pleasant 65 year old post MI patient in his bed. With another patient in his bed. A woman. Who was naked. It turns out that the woman was very confused (she couldn’t be oriented to her face, let alone the time) and so in her confusion, she stripped, climbed into his bed and then peed on this poor guy! If that happened to me, I think I’d probably have the same reaction. We apologized profusely to the man and tried to get the woman out of his bed. She stood up and with a misplaced sense of modesty covered her nipples but didn’t really mind that regions south of the equator were on full display. It took almost an hour for us to calm him down and we had to assure him that we would keep her bed in front of the nursing station so we would have our eye on her the entire night.

When we wheeled her bed over to the station, she asked ‘why am I here?’ to which another nurse replied, ‘because you stripped and peed on another patient’. She let out a laugh while telling us that we must be confused because she would never do something like that. There you go folks. We’ve been declared confused by a confused old lady.