A Few Funnies

I foolishly switched around some shifts that look good on paper but have scrambled my brain because of rapid turnovers between nights and days. This has clearly decreased my ability to write a proper blog post (temporarily) but has had no effect on my ability to enjoy nursing (and non-nursing) funnies. In the spirit of sharing, her e are a few that made me chuckle and I hope they do the same for you.

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Tasty Morsels
Due to a labour shortage, three cannibals were hired as orderlies in a busy hospital. During orientation, the director of human resources said, “You’re all part of the team now. You can earn good money here and you can go to the cafeteria for something to eat. So please don’t trouble any of the other employees.” The cannibals promised.

Four weeks later the boss returned and said, “You’re all working very hard, and I’m very satisfied with all of you. However, one of our nurses have disappeared. Do any of you know what happened to her?” The cannibals all shook their heads no. After the director left, the leader of the cannibals said to the others, “which one of you morons ate the nurse?”

A hand raised reluctantly, to which the leader of the cannibals replied, “You IDIOT!” For four months we’ve been eating hospital administrators and no one noticed a thing and then you had to go and eat a nurse!”


The Meaning of Politics
A little boy goes to his dad and asks, “What is Politics?”

Dad says, “Well son, let me try to explain it this way:
I bring in the money for the family, so call me Capitalism. Your mother is the administrator of the money, so we call her the Government. We are here to take care of your needs, so we will call you the People. The nanny, we will consider her the Working Class. And your baby brother, we will call him the Future. Now think about that and see if it makes sense.”

So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what Dad has said. Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper.

So the little boy goes to his parent’s room and finds his mother asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny’s room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed.

The next morning, the little boy say’s to his father, “Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now.”

The father says, “Good, son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about.”

The little boy replies, “As Capitalism screws the working class, the people go ignored by the sleeping government and the future is full of shit”.

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A Simple Prayer
Lord help me to be careful of the toes I step on today as they may be connected to the ass that I may have to kiss tomorrow.

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Epitaph on the tombstone of a hypochondriac
Told you it was real.

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The Doctor’s Funeral
A cardiologist died and his coffin sits in front of a huge heart. When the pastor finished with his sermon and after everyone said their goodbyes, the heart opened, the coffin rolled inside, and the heart closed. What a beautiful way to go.

Just at that moment, one of the mourners started laughing. The guy next to him asked, “Why are you laughing?”

“I was thinking about my own funeral” the man replied. “What’s so funny about that?”

“I’m a gynecologist”.

The proctologist next to him fainted.