Monday, February 22, 2010

A Man's Touch

There are some days working with the elderly can be physically exhausting. Some folk are in advanced stages of dementia and contractures and they (rightly so) become scared and lash out at nurses. Then there are those elderly folk that have to be manipulated at certain angles so tubes and needles can be effectively shoved into them. And then there are those folk whose minds are sharp as tacks and will say something with enough shock value to make seasoned veterans blush profusely. I had just one such patient. Let’s call her Betty. She was a 94 year old lady from home accompanied by her daughter presenting with urinary retention and a whole lot of pre-existing urogynecological problems. Betty needed a foley catheter. Betty was VERY difficult to catheterize but she did the best she could to help us out. 4 nurses tried and failed. Two of the female staff emergency doctors tried and failed. An eager medical student tried and left the room with failure following her. Finally, we had to admit defeat and call in the urologist. One of the staff docs called the urologist and told him the sad story of Betty’s ever expanding bladder and within 10 minutes the urologist came down to see what the big fuss was about. He swaggered into Betty’s room, introduced himself and explained what he was about to do. Betty was mighty uncomfortable and said “do whatever the hell you’ve got to do” and that’s exactly what the urologist did. Dr. Urologist shortly declared the catheter to be in place and draining a whole lot of urine. To express her gratitude to the urologist, Betty did not say thank you, but rather, “I needed a man’s touch to open up” and winked at him lasciviously. Dr. Urologist quickly fled the room while turning various shades of purple. Us women-folk were a little peeved that she didn’t tell us of her requirements but vowed that we would forever call the urologist for his manly touch!

19 comments:

Anonymous said...

Betty is my hero!

Cindi said...

lol....

Grumpy, M.D. said...

I love the sharp-as-tack elderly with spirit. They make my day more than any other patient group.

DreamingTree said...

Oh, I love sharp old folks! I also like the pleasantly demented.

RehabNurse said...

Maha:

This was just too funny. Will have to tell to our resident uros.

And here I thought only 90 something year old men were entertaining! Go figure...

Old MD Girl said...

That totally made me laugh. I really needed that this morning.

Albinoblackbear said...

My faith was restored in aging when I started working ED in Victoria (where old people go to visit their parents).

Met sooo many hilarious, active, sharp-as-a-tack elderly there. One of my absolute favorites was a 106 year old man who credited his good health to the fact that he "still had all his own teeth" and had only taken 2 tylenol in his life, both when he'd broken his arm in '56. I am pretty sure he was on to something in both regards.

Awesome that Betty had such a great sense of humor after that whole ordeal! I would have been pulling out some crazy LOL moves by that point!

minimedic said...

Poor urologist!

Rachael said...

LOL!

midwest woman said...

Just awesome. Just watch out for the new never event...cathater acquired STDs...:)

StorytellERdoc said...

LOL..this was so funny. Betty would be someone I'd want to invite over for dinner, as long as her leg bag was hidden beneath a nice house coat...and as long as she didn't smell like a johnny-on-the-spot...okay, on second thought, no dinner for Betty at my house! LOL Well done!

Lisa said...

Lol.. That is just too funny! Her age makes it even funnier! I feel bad for the Urologist

Halie said...

Haha! Love this story. You always write with such great humor!

Candice said...

I love the sharp as a tack elderly patients. "Betty" and I would have gotten along just great. ;)

I once had a lady older and dirt tell me that I was in the wrong profession. She told me I should have been a movie star or a model. Then she went on to tell me that she was damn near blind from macular degeneration.

I got a huge kick out of that. ;)

midwest woman said...

Ps Maha, my amateur photographer daughter is a finalist in a Pioneer Woman photo contest....shoot for the moon, girl with your new hobby!!

Amega Products said...

Where's wonder woman? LOL! Nice story. hehehehe. :)

Glee said...

LOL! Bawdy old woman! I wanna be her when I grow up!!

CrazyNewt said...

Oh God. As a male just getting ready to go into Nursing, is this what I have to face!? ;)

Love the blog. It's nice to see a Canadian Nursing Blog that shares my sense of humour. Wish I knew what province you're in, but I can live with Canadian unit measurements and whatnot.

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