If You Can’t Take the Heat…

Today was a hot, humid and hazy nightmare of a day. It absolutely sucked. I had to forgo my regularly scheduled hot caffeinated beverage for an iced variety, which turned warm within a matter of minutes. Walking to and from the train station promptly transformed me from a bleary eyed nurse to an uncouth sweat drenched bewildered monstrosity. Moisturizer melted. Hair simultaneously frizzed and fell flat. Skin sizzled. It was literally too hot to live – which is just what one of my dingbat patients stated as his chief complaint. He said he had been feeling suicidal lately so he decided to check himself in before he hurt himself. Fair enough. However, my fierce assessment skills revealed his diabolical plan. The air conditioner in his apartment broke down so he figured that he would express suicidal ideation, get placed in a mandatory psychiatric hold in air conditioned quarters for the next several days, while not having to cook, clean and most importantly, not go to work. At first, I was quite impressed with his thought process, but when the caffeine kicked in, I was left feeling like I was punked. What an effin waste of resources. I passed along my newly acquired information to his doc, however, my shift ended before I could witness the (likely) anti-climactic conclusion to the patient’s drama of poorly concocted lies and deceit. Hopefully, he gets placed on the psychiatric hold in a unit that has faulty air conditioning.