Sunday, July 5, 2009

Even if it is a Quiet Night...

…The wierdos still come out in packs.

Exhibit 1
30 something year old woman comes in presenting with palpitations and diaphoresis. When I get her into her room, she tells me that she thinks someone at a party tried to get her to OD on cocaine at a party two nights ago. I then asked what brought her in to the ER on this particular night. I almost wish I hadn’t because then I wouldn’t have to hear her say that she kept on taking crystal meth at home to prevent withdrawal. *headdesk*

Exhibit 2
50 something year old man presents with midsternal chest pain radiating to his axilla. He got the standard chest pain workup and then asked for the “Jewish Bible, the Christian Bible, the Quran and the Ramayana and Mahabaratha”. Unable to provide him with those texts in the middle of the night, I asked him why he needed them so urgently. He replied that since he’s been a “lying, cheating, whoring, filthy sonovabitch who’s screwed chicks from every religion, nationality and race”, he might as well repent to all the gods before he “kicks the crapper” since no one can tell for sure who “reigns supreme beyond the clouds”. I ran a drug screen on him. Came back positive for marijuana and benzos. Nonetheless, I believe that his request implied some measure of remorse for his past actions, selfish though his motives may have been.

Exhibit 3
40 something year old woman comes in with halitosis that would make a decaying zombie shrink back in disgust comes in for, surprise surprise, dental pain! I put on an N-95 and ask her to open her mouth. Two of her molars are missing. The void left by her missing teeth was filled with puce yellow pus. She said her pain just started “a couple of hours ago”. Right. She tried prayer and crystals to heal herself when her teeth first fell out. I must have hidden my frustration quite well because she gave me a shiny crystal for being a “sweetie pie”. The crystal hangs in the nursing lounge with a set of sharp white teeth attached to it!

It was a quiet night because for almost 3 hours I had no patients – I saw 6 patients in total that night. Good times indeed!

5 comments:

paedsnurse said...

A quiet night doesn't mean anything. You still get weird ones in your ER.

Grumpy, M.D. said...

They will come, no matter how busy or quiet it is. It's just easier to deal with them on the quiet nights. That was you can get better details to blog about!

Reality Rounds said...

Your post reaffirms my decision not to become a dentist.

LivingDeadNurse said...

muahah...hilarious...that would have been an interesting evening...

therapydoc said...

There has to be some rest for the weary!