What’s in a name?

Ill informed patient: I’m allergic to ibuprofen.
Me: What happens when you take ibuprofen containing medications?
Patient: I get really bad hives and I feel gross.
Me: But you said earlier that you took Motrin for your pain?
Patient: Yeah, Motrin not Ibuprofen. Are you not fucking listening to me?
Me: Motrin IS ibuprofen.
Patient: No its not. I didn’t get hives.
Me: Then perhaps you’re not really allergic to ibuprofen.
Patient: You’re retarded. You’re just a nurse. I AM allergic to ibuprofen so get me some Percocet bitch!
Me: Security!

Moral of the story: If you’re a drug seeker, it would benefit you to know the trade and generic names of your drugs so you don’t look like a bigger jackass than you really are. Oh and I'm not 'just a nurse'. I'm your nurse and I'm not going to 'advocate' to feed your addiction.

Love Letters

Dear Nursing Administrator,

I just wanted to say how horrible one of your nurses was to me. I think her name was Myra or Moira or some ethnic sounding name that didn’t make sense to me. First she told me that she didn’t believe I was having 10/10 pain. I was obviously in pain and then she made me wait so long before I could see the doctor who ORDERED that awful nurse to give me dilaudid. She only gave me 2 stinking advil. Then she totally told me that I couldn’t have another sandwich because I already had one. But I waited in that stupid hallway hungry and she didn’t care. Finally she told me to leave when the doctor cleared me – she wouldn’t let me talk to the doctor. Ms. Administrator, you’ve made a horrible mistake by hiring that bitchy and stupid nurse. I’ll never come to your ER again until I’m ready to sue you all!

Sincerely,

Bitchy Drug Seeker


Dear Bitchy Drug Seeker,

We take all patient complaints very seriously and as a result, myself and several other nurses on the chart auditing committee reviewed your records. Upon review, we have found several discrepancies between the events that you have claimed in your letter and our documents. First of all, the physician who saw you ordered 800mg Ibuprofen which were given to you by the nurse in question. Secondly, unless a patient is staying with us for an extended amount of time, we usually do not provide meals. You were in the ER for 4 hours and 27 minutes according to your records and as a result, you were not entitled to a meal. Lastly, the physician has documented that she saw you before you were discharged and extensively discussed detox options with you. You explicitly stated to the physician that you were not interested in pursuing the matter any further. The nurse in question then gave you a copy of your blood work and chart to take to your family physician. I regret any misunderstandings that might have occurred regarding your visit and if you have any further questions, please contact our patient relations department.

Sincerely,

Nursing Administrator


I was told afterwards that this particular drug seeker is a very frequent flier but was serving some time for (take a wild guess here) for drug possession and trafficking when I got hired. But she’s back now to raise hell all over again. Gotta love my job.